Intoxicated Rex

The Jurassic World sequel Fallen Kingdom comes out Friday, and judging by the new scary, genetically-mutated dinosaur, it appears that nobody has gotten any smarter since a bunch of park-goers got chomped on by the Indominus Rex and its evil pterodactyl friends. If you need to refresh yourself on the stupidity of the first Jurassic World, or to drink yourself stupid, you’ve come to the right place. Stephanie and I recently reacquainted ourselves with Chris Pratt and his bro Blue in search of inspiration for a drinking game—and boy did this film deliver. But be warned: our Jurassic World drinking game will give you a hangover the size of a megalodon.

Take a drink when:

  1. A dinosaur kills someone
  2. You see something in this park that is clearly a liability
  3. Product placement
  4. You see Bryce Dallas Howard’s heels
  5. Someone talks about genetics
  6. Someone says “Indominus Rex”
  7. There’s a reference to the original Jurassic Park
  8. Chris Pratt talks to a dinosaur
  9. Chris Pratt proves he is smarter than the imbeciles running this park
  10. Vincent D’Onofrio says some nonsense
  11. Someone insists that dinosaurs are animals—I mean, who would’ve known?

Finish your drink when:

  1. Jimmy Buffet refuses to put down his margaritas
  2. Someone yells the famous last words, “It can camouflage!”
  3. A man has full confidence in his ability to fly a helicopter
  4. A very minor character is gang murdered by dinosaurs
  5. A kiss happens at the most inconvenient moment
  6. We find out the Indominus Rex is part raptor—Gasp!
  7. The most epic dinosaur battle takes place

Featured image: Jimmy Buffet knows exactly how to enjoy this movie (credit).

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