In celebration of the new Justice League movie which critics are heralding as not completely awful, we bring you a drinking game for the truly awful film that first brought together D.C.’s most iconic characters: Batman vs. Superman. Zack Snyder’s steaming pile of shit is so depressing, boring and sloppy that it will undoubtedly lead even the lightest drinkers to a bar, so we figure it’s wisest to just drink through the entire damn thing. Grab some Jolly Ranchers, either to eat or feed to someone else, and tons of booze and get ready to be totally bored and frustrated with the most iconic superheroes of all time. When the film gets too depressing, just laugh at Jesse Eisenberg and remember that Wonder Woman was pretty good.
Take a drink when:
- Lex Luthor Jr., or whatever Jesse Eisenberg’s character really is, speachifies like a freshman philosophy seminar
- Batman has a confusing dream
- There’s a fight scene
- People are angry at Superman
- Wonder Woman is there because reasons
- Batman clearly kills someone
- The movie takes time to point out how shitty of a reporter Clark Kent is or how shitty a paper The Daily Planet is (I mean, who cares about basketball coverage or whatever Perry White is bitching about)
- Lois Lane is doing something useless, be it investigating Lex Luthor or throwing away spears
- There’s a story line that is butchered in the theatrical edit (I’m looking at you African village massacre) *Note: If you’re watching the Ultimate Edition, drink every time there’s a scene that was clearly important that was cut from the theatrical version
- Lex Luthor does something dumb with Kryptonian technology; be it breaking in, communicating with aliens or creating Doomsday, but especially creating Doomsday!
- Superman saves Lois
- Whenever you feel overwhelmed by despair (Damn it! Why won’t they even let Henry Cavill smile? The man is the only male on earth who can stand next to Gal Gadot and actually look equally attractive. It’s a travesty!)
Finish your drink when:
- Lex Luthor feeds a man a Jolly Rancher
- Batman and Superman realize their moms have the same names
- Superman gets in a bathtub but it’s disappointingly unsexy
- The other members of the Justice League are revealed in the dumbest way
- It’s super obvious that Superman will return from the grave
- Granny’s. Peach. Tea.
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