Drunkenness Ascending

Jupiter Ascending is a movie that can only be halfway enjoyed if completely inebriated—except for the scenes with Eddie Redmayne which are enjoyable in all circumstances. To help you get through this tremendously boring, over-the-top, insane piece of shit courtesy of the Wachowskis, we have created a drinking game guaranteed to fuck you up. Instead of bathing in human souls (yep, that’s in this movie), drown yourself in liquor and tolerate this sci-fi disaster.

Take a drink when:

1. Eddie Redmayne whispers
2. Eddie Redmayne screams
3. Channing Tatum flies around on some sweet rocket boots
4. Mila Kunis sadly cleans a toilet in full eye make-up
5. There is long exposition
6. Someone is wearing a fabulous outfit
7. A telescope is seen or mentioned
8. Someone says “mother”
9. Something happens that makes absolutely no sense

Finish your drink when:

1. A floating orgy happens
2. Mila Kunis professes her love for dogs to Channing Tatum
3. Mila Kunis enchants bees
4. There’s a Terry Gilliam cameo
5. Channing Tatum gets his wings

Featured image: If Eddie Redmayne suddenly shouting “go” doesn’t make you want to see this movie, nothing will. (Image credit)

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